David’s birth was not guaranteed. Because my cervix was pre-cancerous, I was told by my doctor to get pregnant immediately. If the cancer spread, he’d remove my cervix and the baby, too, no matter how far along I was. David made it! My first-born child was full term and a wonder. By eighteen months he could read the alphabet and at two he was playing chess with my father, who called him “King David.” He was the happiest little guy, full of curiosity and bursting with love. David was so kind and gentle that I often said to my sister-in-law, “He’s too good to live.”
For over twenty years as a physician, I've witnessed, time and again, the healing power of tears. Tears are your body's release valve for stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, and frustration. Also, you can have tears of joy, say when a child is born, or tears of relief when a difficulty has passed. In my own life, I am grateful when I can cry. It feels cleansing, a way to purge pent-up emotions so they don't lodge in my body as stress symptoms, such as fatigue or pain. To stay healthy and release stress, I encourage my patients to cry. For both men and women, tears are a sign of courage, strength, and authenticity.
Dear Dr. Neimeyer, I lost my husband in an accident over 25 years ago while we were getting ready for his grandmother’s funeral. There were so many unanswered questions, as our daughter was only a year old and she is now nearing 30. But my question is why I still have my moments of tears and sadness. I can talk about it, and I will tear up as if it just happened. I still function, but I feel like I’m not where I ought to be in life. Can you help me understand? – Connie Dear Connie, As you have found, with the death of a loved one life changes in an instant, but the repercussions can be felt for an eternity.
Am I going crazy? To address your question “Am I going crazy?” the answer is no, you are not, although I understand how you might feel as if you are sometimes. We have all felt that. You are grieving normally and naturally, given your circumstances and lack of physical grief support, such as private counseling by a true grief expert or regularly attending a grief group with other parents who get it. I'm still having a hard time understanding why. After ten years, I wonder if the question you ask of “Why?” is still a true/real question or one that you find yourself, as when you are in disbelief that he is actually gone from this world, asking as a more generalized question, still trying to understand how such a thing could have happened so quickly
In the wealth of studies about parental grief, little attention has been paid to precisely how couples relate to each other as they struggle to come to terms with the death of a child. A new study addresses this gap in bereavement research by focusing on the way that couples together process the grief of losing a child. Among life's many tragedies, the death of a child is one that is perhaps the greatest for parents. No matter what the age of the child or the cause of death, the irrefutable fact of the loss is one that shatters the normal cycle of life, leaving parents traumatized and often incapacitated by grief.
The holidays are here, and for most people it is a time of coming together with families and friends. Sure, some of you might dread what happens when your families get together and the challenges of getting along begin, or for some it's nothing but a spectacular time with love and laughter and gratitude that you are all together. Yet, for those who are grieving, the holidays, especially for the first few years, are something often dreaded as people try to figure out how to endure the holidays. What used to be a time they looked forward to is now a time they would rather forget about.
When I was three and a half years old, I went crashing into a glass door on the first floor of my family’s home in Chevy Chase, Md. The worst damage was not from my arm going through the door, but from it coming back out. A shard of glass, still fixed in the door frame, entered my arm at the armpit and then, as I fell backward and down to the ground, it sliced open my arm all the way up to the wrist. I suffered complete severing of my radial artery, and total or partial transection of the radial, ulnar, and median nerves, and of various muscles.
Losing someone you love can change your world. You miss the person who has died and want them back. You may feel sad, alone, or even angry. You might have trouble concentrating or sleeping. If you were a busy caregiver, you might feel lost when you’re suddenly faced with lots of unscheduled time. These feelings are normal. There’s no right or wrong way to mourn.Losing someone you love can change your world. You miss the person who has died and want them back. You may feel sad, alone, or even angry.