griefHaven Forum - Where hope resides

Find Us On Facebook
April 17, 2014, 12:43:30 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: FIRST TIME REGISTRATION MADE EASY.  Just follow each step below, and you will be sharing on the message board in no time.

1. Go to this link and fill out the brief form. http://www.jotformpro.com/form/11745848669
2. We will receive your request via email.
3. Depending on the time of day, your request to become a member will be approved anywhere from 15 minutes to 24 hours.
4. There is no need to send more than one request. Just wait for your approval notification.
5. You will be notified via email when you are approved (to the email address you provided us) and sent your password.
6. You may also email our webmaster directly at deborah@qwsseattle.com if you need help registering.
7. Please note that the normal registration button has been disabled. You must use the link above.
8. Go here for help on how to use the forum: https://griefhaven.org/griefforum/index.php?action=help
9. Watch an overview video on how to use the forum: http://www.griefhaven.org/forum-video.html
 
   Home   Help Search Login Register  
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Sofia's Story  (Read 1166 times)
SofiasMom
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 18


View Profile
« on: September 01, 2011, 06:50:52 PM »

She was a very happy kid. She loved to sing whenever she heard music, loved books, was fascinated by animals-- especially cats, dogs and had recently discovered birds. She almost had a credible wave, and was just learning the meaning of pointing. She could crawl, was able to pull herself up hanging on to furniture and was just starting to let go and balance on her own. She loved raw veggies, especially cucumbers and red peppers.

Sofia was born November 16, 2010 after what was a very grueling and sometimes scary labour.  Despite all the worries, she was born healthy and beautiful.  She was very colicky the first 3 months, but then outgrew it and was simply a joy to be around.  She loved other people and always smiled whenever any stranger stopped to say hello.

On August 6, 2011 my whole world changed.  I put my perfectly healthy baby down for a morning nap. I thought she was sleeping a bit later because she had not been sleeping very well the past few nights and needed it.  When I came to check on her -- She was blue!  She was so blue!  I ran down the stairs screaming -- I have no idea what I was saying.  I started CPR, but really had no idea if I was doing it right.  My husband called 911 and I just started to scream for someone to help, hoping we could find someone who knew CPR.  The EMS arrived and worked on her for 1/2 hr before we headed to the hospital.  At the hospital, they worked on her another 45 min -- I thought she'll probably be brain damaged because we didn't know how long she had been without oxygen, but I didn't care.  I just wanted my Sofia back.  I thought I saw a blip on the monitor and foolishly thought that she was getting better as her colour seemed to be returning -- not realizing that the reason for this was that they were artificially pumping her heart and breathing for her.  I realized she was gone when one of the doctors turned to the others and asked, "Does anyone else have any other ideas?".   And that was it  - I lost our baby girl. The coroner said it looked like SIDS.

So, it's almost been 4 weeks and I am still numb and lost. I just don't know what to do now.  What do I do now? I just don't know what to do...  She was only 8 and a 1/2 months -- just 10 days shy of turning 9 months. She was my world, and now I am completely lost.  Please...someone tell me what do I do now? How do you get through this? the pain is simply unbearable at times...
Logged
Loraine
Full Member
***
Posts: 53


View Profile
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2011, 09:13:18 PM »

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little baby Sofia.  Your story is hearbreaking.  You are experiencing the worst pain possible and I am sending you condolences, love and support and by you reaching out to this website, know that others are here to walk beside you and support you in this catastrophic happening.

Thinking of you.

Love Loraine
Logged
Peggi
Full Member
***
Posts: 58


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2011, 09:26:31 AM »

I'd like to add my condolences as well. I am so very sorry for this tragic and inexplicable loss. Please know that all of us on this site hold you in our thoughts. There are no words, really. All we can do is bear witness to your suffering.
Logged
SofiasMom
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 18


View Profile
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2011, 09:57:15 PM »

Thank you both -- one of the things that I found most surprising through the past few weeks is just how utterly lonely this journey can feel. Reading the past posts and your responses on this board makes it seem much less so and offers some hope.  We just don't know anyone else whose been through this -- people try to compare it to other types of losses, but I just can't relate.  Thank you again for continuing to be here and offering your support. 
Logged
Peggi
Full Member
***
Posts: 58


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2011, 05:49:03 AM »

I do hope you may find other people in your area who have been through this because it can be a lifeline for you. There are 630 The Compassionate Friends chapters in the US. There are other chapters of Bereaved Parents of the USA. While nothing will "fix" your grief, knowing other parents can be a tremendous help. On days when I have felt I can't make it, I try to visualize all the other grieving parents I've come to know...kind of like "counting sheep to get to sleep" and it helps me to know I'm not alone.
Logged
Loraine
Full Member
***
Posts: 53


View Profile
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2011, 06:44:07 PM »

Sofias Mum

Just to let you know I have been thinking of you - your reaching out and telling your story.  Again, for you in this horribly shocking new grief, as I remember the first weeks, the pain, every part of my body aching, an elephant sitting on my chest and only being able to take short gasps to breath.

At this moment you just have to get through second by second and minute by minute, the pain is excrutiating and I often thought that I would not survive it.  But survive I did by whatever means I could and eventually you will find something that helps you be it family, spiritual beliefs, reading books on grief, joining support groups - each grieving parent does whatever works for them.

Susan who founded Griefhaven did so in memory of her daughter and because it was so difficult to find information or support relating to grief. 

May I suggest, if you have not already done so, on the home page of this website you can register for a package which is sent to you at no cost which really helped me.  The monthly magazines, etc. with the wisdom of those who have walked this path before me - kept me coming back as they really comforted me.

You and your family are in my thoughts.

Sending love in this time of darkness,

Loraine
Campbell's Mum

Logged
erniesmom
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 9


View Profile
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2011, 12:41:41 AM »

 I read your story and I wanted you to know that i felt your love for Sofia in every line you wrote.
You took me back to when my Ernie was just a lil boy and loved music and veggies...like your Sofia.
My son was 26 years old when he left our side and he was our only child. It has been nearly four years.
Please, please believe that although you feel at this very moment that you can't, will not survive this terrible loss...you will.
For your husband...for you...for Sofia. Please take care of each other, talk about Sofia, say her name, talk to her.
And know that all of us are here for you...you are not alone.
Sending a kiss to Sofia,
Ernies mom



Logged
SofiasMom
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 18


View Profile
« Reply #7 on: September 08, 2011, 06:23:08 PM »

Thank you all for your responses-- I have tears in my eyes as I read this knowing that you've all lived and are living with this pain. It is so bittersweet to be so grateful and at the same time feel so sorry for the losses that have brought you on this path as well.
I sometimes wish I could just hit pause or just take a break from all this -- it is such a physically heavy burden and it just sits on my chest. There is no relief.
Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.19 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!