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Author Topic: 14 weeks ago tomorrow that I lost my baby girl  (Read 849 times)
vickynevaehsmom
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« on: October 06, 2011, 08:36:04 PM »

Thurdays and Fridays are the hardest days of the week for me. It was 2 am on a Friday morning, 14 weeks ago, that I lost my little girl. That day is forever etched in my heart. That is the day that my life changed forever. I went from having a normal life to what seems will never be anything close to normal again.

Every Thursday, all day long, it weighs on me. I always think this amount of weeks ago I lost everything.  I keep thinking how did I get here? But, then I start thinking that I am being extremely selfish for feeling that way. Yes, my little girl is everything to me. But, I have two sons that are also everything to me and when I start thinking that way, I feel like I am being selfish or somehow forgetting about them. I don't mean to do that at all, I love all of my children the same. But, that is just the way I feel and I can't stop. I am completely consumed by losing her. I am sure that I am not telling anyone here anything new. I am sure that any of you with other children have felt this way at one point. It just seems that it will never stop.

I have a video of my Vicky that was taken less than 24 hours before she passed and I keep watching it over and over again to look for any sign that something could have been wrong. But... there is absolutely nothing that I see. So, I keep thinking, what happened? How did she go from being perfectly fine to dying in her sleep? I don't understand. The only thing that happened all day that day out of the ordinary was she only took 2 ounces of her formula that night instead of the 4 that she normally took. But, she was really sleepy and falling asleep while I was feeding her, so I just assumed it was because she was tired. But, should I have thought more of it? Should that have worried me? I just can't seem to find the answers to those questions.
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Vicky Nevaehs Mommy
June
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« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2011, 09:50:29 AM »

you are not to blame, sometimes bad things just happen and no one is to blame. I am very sorry for your loss and I am sorry that you are suffering such anguish. I pray the Lord sends you peace today and always.
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vickynevaehsmom
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« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2011, 03:42:13 PM »

Thank you June. I guess a part of me knows I am not to blame and that there was nothing I could have done to change it. But, there is still that other part of me that can't help but worry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and everyone here.

Becky
Vicky's mom
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Vicky Nevaehs Mommy
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