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Author Topic: Christmas  (Read 3899 times)
chrismom
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« on: December 16, 2011, 02:03:35 PM »

Just wanted to let you all know I am thinking of you! This time of year is so very hard as is everyday, my Chris left this earth on Aug. 29, 2011. I will spend Christmas without him physically for the first time in 20 years. He is in my heart though as always!

Chris' MOM
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Peggi
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« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2011, 09:00:19 AM »

Yes, it is very, very, very hard. This is our third Christmas without our son and I am finding it no easier than the first two. Also find that I am really wrestling the "green eyed monster". Ran into a former classmate of his at the grocery store yesterday....home from her senior year of college...and it just about brought me to my knees. So hard to understand why so many are welcoming home their children, having parties, happy, happy, happy, and I can barely get out of bed. I try to be grateful that we are able to "get away" and just need to hang on by my fingernails until next Wednesday.
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Loraine
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« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2011, 07:26:14 PM »

For all the the parents missing their children at Christmas, I am so very sorry. 

The empty place at the table in our homes is always there but at this time of the year, it seems so heartbreaking.

Wishing all of us some peaceful moments during this coming month and the strength to get through Christmas.

With love
Loraine
Campbell's Mum
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Peggi
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« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2011, 07:07:10 AM »

That's a good word, Loraine...wish us all strength to endure. Wish. Strength. Endure.
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Josephs-Mommy
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« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2011, 11:55:57 AM »

To all the parents here at griefhaven ---
May you have faith to stay present in this moment that someday you will not feel as sinking as you feel. It is gradual. It happens very slowly. See how you have shifted now in more moments than you realize. Baby steps. Listen to your heart above all the other voices you hear. Have the courage to use this time to grieve now. Holding it in is not better. Feeling your feelings, crying the necessary tears, saying no to the invitations, being with your loss is ok.

No one will understand or grieve the same way. No event, no day - no trigger is experienced the same between two people very much grieving the same person. We are unique in our relationships with one another. Give your self the permission to have no judgement in being present.

I am here 6 years since my only son  age 4.5 years old healthy right up until the night he died and died in a virtual blink right before our eyes.

Please know the light of hope exists gradually. You will regain purpose, perspective, have life anew in time. Time truly heals.

Blessings and sending love to all and to all a good as it can get today. Breathe.....ehugs, Kim
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chrismom
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« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2011, 05:52:20 PM »

To Peggi,

I am with you on that green eyed monster, my son's good friend whom I love came over so excited because he was chosen to sub teach. He is in his third year of college as my son would be. I wanted to be so happy for him which part of me was but at the same time, I ached for my son to be excited about life and they are just going on without him. It hurts so bad to hear the word Grandchildren! I ate supper alone tonight and it stinks. Sometimes I feel this is a nightmare and I will wake up and it won't be true! But, I am partially right, it is a nightmare, but I won't wake up from it; and people are busy with thier joy right now doing their wrapping and shopping and preparing for the wonderful holiday, and don't want to be bothered by us who have no joy now. It is amazing who you find out arent your support that you thought would be. Sorry, just had to vent trying to stop sobbing. Seems to help to pour my heart out on here with people who know my feelings. Thanks to my efriends! I also wish you strength to endure this heart wrenching time!
Chris' MOM
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Peggi
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« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2011, 07:10:54 PM »

Yes, Chris' Mom, I can relate to every thing you said and I too have to wrestle with what I feel about those I thought would be here for me who aren't. On the other hand, I can also share that my next door neighbor of many years, whose children grew up with mine, two of whom are home from college, invited us for dinner. I was very, very tempted to say "no, I just can't do that" but my husband wanted to go and so did my daughter. So, we did. They had worked so hard to prepare a nice meal, we only stayed a couple of hours, and yes, I had to wear my mask for those hours, but I think it was worth it. And I am grateful that they try and that they want to be with us. So, while I have not gone to any holiday parties, I do feel just this effort was right for me at this time and somehow "helped" a bit. And, as you said, losing my son doesn't make me stop loving those children I have watched grow up. I will always love them too, even though they are a sad reminder of what I have lost. And, Kim, your words....your words from six years down the road, are very wise. Thank you for them. And like one of the moms in the Portraits of Hope DVD, you have an OK day, a bad day, a very bad day, a less bad day, maybe another OK day.....on and on and on...so I guess it is gradual. And another wise bereaved parent told me recently being at the third year was like being at mile 19 in a marathon, which I gather (I'm not a runner) is not a fun place to be.
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Shelley
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« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2011, 03:45:47 PM »

Wish I knew what to say. This seems the hardest Christmas since my son and only child of 32 died. I don't know how to get through it but somehow I will. I invite people. I feel like I practically beg ... I feel much better when I'm cooking. I feel he is here when I'm cooking. I had a few panic attacks this week when my body somehow suddenly realized he was gone, as if for the first time. Couldn't breathe. I have had a few glimpses of better days, not good days (except when I'm babysitting my favorite little boys who have now moved to Australia, 26 hours flight from here)... It is so hard. I have no kid, no grandkids, no family. And I am only 54. I could practically be having a new family even... but it is over now. Just gotta keep going. Wish and pray this would be over, the Christmas and the pain. Took an antihistamine (my sleeping pill of choice) and hoping I will sleep  easily tonight. Morning is better. Thinking of you all. xxxxx
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chrismom
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« Reply #8 on: December 20, 2011, 06:45:25 PM »

I understand totally, Shelley, I have none of those things either and no family in the area. My husband and I havent been on the same page for years even. I am only 50, I feel so much better when people are here, but everyone is busy celebrating and doing their own thing. It is only 3 months and 21 days that my son has been gone. I loved life, now I don't have one, just waiting for it to be over.

My thoughts are with you!
Chris' MOM
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Shelley
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« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2011, 05:18:27 AM »

Chris' Mom,

Let's talk over the holidays. We're in the same boat, but you are newer to it. Here is my email: sillyclownalley@mac.com. Please email me so we can talk.

Thinking of you,
xxx
Shelley
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Shelley
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« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2011, 10:46:31 AM »

My blog post today about staying active, being active, moving...
http://www.bruisedandbattered.com/blog/2011/12/22/occupying-myself/

Thinking of you all with a big hug!

xxx
Shelley
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