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Author Topic: Going Crazy!!!  (Read 1346 times)
Portersmama
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« on: March 04, 2012, 12:33:11 AM »

Its been a month and 9 days since I lost my baby and I feel Like I am going crazy!!! I feel like I am just going to loose it anytime now.... My husband took me to a crisis center yesterday and i am going to go see a therapist 3 times  a week. Not sure if this will help but praying it will.... I was watching a Movie with my husband tonight and just broke down because it was 6 30 and i started thinking that now would be when i would be giving my sweet baby a bath and getting him in his jamies and ready for bed. BUT I CAN'T and never will be able to give him a bath or kiss his sweet cheeks!!!! I miss my Baby boy so much.....  I just wish this heartache would end... i want to feel like "me" again!!!!!!
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April (porters mama)
Peggi
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« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2012, 03:48:06 PM »

Sadly, you will never feel like "you" again; over time, slowly and with support and help, I hope you will find a "new you" but what you were will not be again...I think of it sort of like someone who finds they must confront MS or ALS or some debilitating physical condition...maybe a "wounded warrior" who has lost a limb. These are traumatic changes and it takes quite a while to accept that what we had will never be again.

The sense of "going crazy" is "normal". Of course, you want your "old" life back. We all do. We all desperately want it back.

The advice you were given earlier about trying to do "something" every day is sound advice; whether that is chores, or walking the dog, or reading a few pages in a book, whatever. As long as it's not self-destructive, it's something, no matter how "small". It took six months, but at that point I started to volunteer at a center where they don't know me...I'm anonymous...but I focus on helping others, not on me and the tragic trajectory my life has taken. So, for one morning a week, I feel I'm in a safe haven and thinking of others, not me. And I know it's useful. Two and a half years later, I'm still there doing that.

And when I think I can't bear it for another minute, instead of counting sheep, I try to think of all the people who have born it, who have had to endure it. Whether I know of them personally, through support groups, through the media, or through books, I think of them. And I try to focus on not being the first or the only who must suffer like this. The more "similar" their circumstances, the more "comforting" it is.

I notice many of your postings are late at night and I would imagine you might be having trouble sleeping and goodness knows, you need sleep so I hope you can find your way through to good sleep hygiene...like no caffeine or alcohol, eating whatever nutritious foods you can manage to swallow, calm bedroom environment, some light exercise (like a walk) early in the day?Huh? Just a few ideas; it's so hard to even want to take care of yourself at this early stage. But sleep deprivation can really make any "healing" more difficult for you.
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Portersmama
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« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2012, 04:18:20 PM »

Peggie.
 Thank you so much for your kind words of advice... You are very right on the not sleeping... I can't seem to shut my brain off... I lay awake and toss and turn so instead of driving my poor husband crazy i get out of the room and hang out in the office or craft room. As far as the taking care of myself.... You are so very right about that!!! I am a type 1 diabetic and started neglecting my blood sugars and checking them when  i am supposed to.... I have relized that though and have taken that part of my life back in my hands. I know I still have to much grieving to do and in no way can I rush it. I just need to care for myself during the process.
    Again thank you very much... It is very sad but does help to know that others are going through this pain and they too are making it!  Thank you for the strenght I nedded for the day!
April
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April (porters mama)
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