griefHaven Forum - Where hope resides

Find Us On Facebook
April 23, 2014, 10:39:03 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: FIRST TIME REGISTRATION MADE EASY.  Just follow each step below, and you will be sharing on the message board in no time.

1. Go to this link and fill out the brief form. http://www.jotformpro.com/form/11745848669
2. We will receive your request via email.
3. Depending on the time of day, your request to become a member will be approved anywhere from 15 minutes to 24 hours.
4. There is no need to send more than one request. Just wait for your approval notification.
5. You will be notified via email when you are approved (to the email address you provided us) and sent your password.
6. You may also email our webmaster directly at deborah@qwsseattle.com if you need help registering.
7. Please note that the normal registration button has been disabled. You must use the link above.
8. Go here for help on how to use the forum: https://griefhaven.org/griefforum/index.php?action=help
9. Watch an overview video on how to use the forum: http://www.griefhaven.org/forum-video.html
 
   Home   Help Search Login Register  
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: losing my first son jason at 24 years too young  (Read 2590 times)
ollee105
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 14


View Profile
« on: March 09, 2012, 11:59:58 PM »

Hello.  My name is Olivia.  I lost my son Jason.  my firstborn son.  we had very special bond.  loving.  he was not ashamed to say i love you mom in front of anyone...ever.  not even as a child or teen.  and then, as a young man.  He lost his life in a horrible horrible accident.  He was nearing an intersection.  The lights were flashing, but the arms were not down.  newspaper said they were, but the only witness said they weren't down until he was right at the intersection.  One am.  direction the train was coming from is heavily wooded.  I know he didnt see it and thought it was still far.  But it wasn't and it was an amtrak going over fifty miles an hr when they impacted.  his car was ripped in half.  he died instantly.  I still can't explain how this happened.  his car was in shreds.  debri went everywhere.  but there were no damage to the train arms.  nothing.  so i can't figure out how...if the arms were down did they not get damaged?  but he is gone and he was my life.  I am tired all the time.  He left behind two kids;  a seven year old son and a daughter now five.  I lost him in San Antonio tx Feb 19th.  one year ago.  i ache to see him again, hear his voice.  hold him so tight.  I feel sometimes like my throat is going to explode from the pain i try and swallow sometimes.  his watch was broken to pieces.  there is more, but i'll leave that for later.  Just wanted to share some of my pain.  I feel like others like me take a piece of my pain away.  Just knowing i'm not alone.  He was a wonderful, unforgettable young man that i was so proud.  he adored his kids and all his family.  Why did god take him and not me?  i would have gladly taken his place.  
« Last Edit: March 14, 2012, 08:44:37 PM by ollee105 » Logged
mrs. jay
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 5


Christopher Dullea 2/21/83-6/9/11


View Profile
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2012, 05:10:01 PM »

Ollie,
I'm so sorry for all the pain. It sounds like a very horrible accident. They say my son died instantly too- he hit a wire on his motorcycle and his neck was broken and his heart was not beating when the EMTs got there- they restarted his heart but he ended up losing too much oxygen to his brain so they determined he was brain dead once they got him to the trauma center and did scans. He was on a very curvy road but it was a road he knew well and travelled 4 times a day for 8 years going to and from work. They don't think he was going too fast, there were no skid marks- they don't know if an animal jumped out or if he fell asleep. I'm always thinking that he was laying there paralyzed from the broken neck not being able to move and being afraid knowing he was going to die. The things that go through our heads- especially the fear of what our son's or daughters were thinking or feeling in their last minutes. Did they see it coming? Did they feel pain? Where they scared? Did they want us there to protect them? Those are the kinds of things that haunt me every day. Chris was my first born too. He was my only child for 8 years and then I had a daughter and another son. His birthday was Feb 21st and he would've been 29 had he not died in June. His birthday was a difficult day. The next hurdle for me to get through is the year anniversary.
I hope you get to see your grandchildren often. I know being with my granddaughter is a blessing. I love her so much but my heart aches for her too knowing that she won't have her daddy. None of this is fair for any of us. My heart aches whenever I read one of the stories on here because it's so devastating to lose a child- we are supposed to protect them.
Logged

Tracy
ollee105
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 14


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2012, 09:04:10 PM »

Hi Tracy.  I'm sorry for your loss as well.  The same questions go through my mind.  did he see it coming?  You're exactly right...i think of the same questions.  It breaks my heart appart knowing that he, even if it was for a minute, must have been so scared knowing he was about to collide with that train.  He must have on instinct raised his arms to his face, because his watch was broken into pieces.  his two children are with two different mothers.  His younger, the daughter didnt get to know him.  She was really little when they broke up and the mother decided to punish him for their break up and "kept" her from him and from all of us.  He had been in a court battle for his parental rights.  the week before his accident he finally had his day in court and fought for her with all he had and finally had his court order.  He brought that court order home and you'd thought he won the lotto.  Finally he would reunite with his daughter.  She was four at the time.  Last year.  and a week later, before his first visit, he died.  I picked up his battle and took her to court for my grandparents rights.  I just had my first visit three weeks ago.  I, like you, love them dearly but i feel so sad knowing they will not have their daddy.  After a year, Mia, my grand daughter has just realized that she even had a daddy.  And a grandma and a brother.  She is so confused.  She has no memories of her father.  I took her pictures today of him.  The one year mark was recently, on Feb 19th.  My family and several of his friends had a balloon release for him.  We took lots and lots of balloons to his grave.  In his memory, so that he knows from heaven that he will never never be forgetten.  Twenty nine, years old....like my son, your son was just starting a new chapter in his life.  A very young man.  It was a horrible accident.  his car was split in half from the impact.  they say he didn't feel any pain, I hope it's true.  how old his his daughter?  My grandson was six.  His last memory of his father was on his sixth birthday.  Feb 10th.  His daddy had a birthday party for him.  his mother had to take him to counseling.  He was devastated.  His daughter though...she was told recently, before my court ordered visitation was told that she did in fact have a daddy, but he is in heaven.  Just breaks my heart.  There are so many young men (and older men) that could care less about their children., But not my son...he fought for his.  Even at such a young age.  He fought for was was right and didn't get the chance to tell her for himself how much he loved her. 
Logged
mrs. jay
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 5


Christopher Dullea 2/21/83-6/9/11


View Profile
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2012, 03:10:52 PM »

That's so sad that Mia didn't get to see him or know him. My granddaughter is almost 4 1/2. Chris was in a battle with his ex about visitation and stuff too. She was making his life miserable by taking him to court all the time. And the judge always went along with her. He hadn't see his daughter for about 2 mos. I had just gotten him a lawyer because the judge was so unfair. She suspended his visits because he missed a court date because his ex said she changed the date. The poor kid was constantly calling me asking him what he should do. He was so upset about it. But 2 weeks before his accident he started seeing her again. He was here with her the night of his accident. My son might have put his hands up too because he had a bandage on his hand. But I didn't even want to know.
Logged

Tracy
ollee105
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 14


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2012, 08:07:59 PM »

I hate these judges that automatically side with the mothers...keep them from the fathers that are trying to do the right thing.  Then..the mothers take on a boyfriend and try to make them the "daddy".  Well..new daddy is abusive when the real fathers like your son and my son could have been protecting them and loving them.  And the Judges help them.  ughhh...just makes me so angry.  I wish his daughter could have gotten to know him.  she would have adored him.  Just like his son does.  He adored his daddy.  I have several times wished that my son's organs could have been donated to help someone else live.  that's a wonderful thing that you did.  I know you miss him so much.  I painted my son's room.  He loved the outdoors, fishing. I painted it a soft blue, like the sky.  I still have all his clothes exactly how he had them.  I kiss his ball cap good night.  I gave a few clothes to his brother.  But i just can't get myself to empty the closet.  Your grand daugher is close to my grand daughter's age.  How much do you think she understands?  My grand daughter, since she didn't know him is so confused right now.  she says he is in heaven.  But i don't think she really grasps the reality of it yet. 
I had a dream one day that i was walking by my house and his car was in the field.  i was staring at it....like i was afraid of it and then i looked down, and my son was a little boy and i was holding his hand.  i was taking him away from the car.  We ended up in a garage and there was a pond inside the garage and jason was playing and laughing.  Just a happy, innocent little boy again.  One lady I met immediately removed all her daughter's things.  everything.  I guess people grieve differently.  I can't do that yet.  I have been told maybe i should start.  But I can't.  I"m not ready.  He had been on his own but had moved back because his job went bankrupt and he lost his job.  I wonder if someone was chasing him.  He'd been out somewhere.  No one knows where.  and he was in a hurry but don't know for what reason.  There are a lot of crazy people out here in this big city.  I wish i could have kissed him goodbye.  I had to kiss the coffin.  I look at his son, and he is a spitting imagine of his daddy.  Sometimes i think i freak him out because i hug him soooo hard.  but he just squeezes me back.   
Logged
chrismom
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 19


View Profile
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2012, 06:54:27 PM »

I am so sorry for you! As I know your pain all to well, I have written this before but, don't know if you saw. I just want you to know you are not alone. I too lost my son, my only child, 20 years young. His Angel date was August 29, 2011. His 21st birthday just passed, didn't think I would survive it, I am really not surviving, just existing. March 5, 1991 was the happiest day in my life, continued to get happier each day of his presence. My son too was one that would say "I love you, MOM" and hug me before going out the door know matter who was around.There is no love like a mother and child's love, we were so very close. He was my life, my joy, my everything, I have never known the unconditional love that I had between me and my son. That was taken away from me and I will never know it again! He always wanted to help, and would lend a hand to anyone. I am having a hard time in many ways, the driver of the vehicle was "alledged" intoxacated and driving at a high rate of speed! Enough is Enough, he is still out driving and has his license, he not only took the life of my son but also the life of another young man age 18, he was an only child also...

Christopher's loving MOM forever!
 
Logged
ollee105
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 14


View Profile
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2012, 08:40:14 PM »

I'm sorry...i feel your pain.  It helps to talk to you and the others i've talked to here.  People say, "oh i'm so sorry...i know i'd go crazy if i lost my child"...but it is a pain that, unless you've been through it, people dont understand.  I wonder how we can endure so much pain day after day...hour after hour.  Our boys were good boys...my son was like yours...quick to help others.  the customers at his store just adored him.  He'd help them with their bags out, when that store didnt' even have baggers.  Like yours, he didn't care who was around, those words "i love you mom" came easily to him. He was proud to be the person he was, not embarrassed to be loving.  I still find myself for a second thinking "how can i bring him back"....but i know...i know i can't bring him back.  I'm not crazy, but grief makes me wish for the impossible sometimes because i just miss him soooo much.  Sometimes when i'm outside, I look up to the sky and ask "jason, can you hear me right now?  I love you....more each day and I will never never forget you.  Your son was your only child?  I have one more.  he is a year younger and they were very close.  He is having a hard time losing his only brother.  I still have him to hold.  I loved them both just the same, but my younger son was quiet, sweet and shy.  Not the loud, funny type like Jason.  he tells me he loves me too...but not the way jason did.  your son was in a car accident also?  Did he pass instantly like they say mine did?   
« Last Edit: April 13, 2012, 09:21:04 PM by ollee105 » Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.19 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!