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Author Topic: When will the pain end?  (Read 3849 times)
Anniem
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« on: July 19, 2012, 07:09:15 PM »

Unfortunately the healing never reaches an end point.  It will always be an ever present part of who you are.   You will just learn to cope with the pain.  My youngest son died in 2002 as a result of a car accident. His older brother died after a battle with testicular canceer on March 10, 2012.  Not only am I grieving for my oldest son, but the pain from his younger brother's death has returned as if it just happened.  My neighbor lost her son in 1972 and I recently asked her when the pain will end.  She is 85 yrs old and her response was that she didn't know, it hadn't ended yet; almost 40 years later.  Beyond Endurance is an excellent book to read.  It will help you understand the grief path.  Wish I had known about the book 10 years ago. The book doesn't lessen the grief, it just helps me understand that my feelings are similar to others who have lost a child.
My days are painful and nights are sleepless.  I prefer isolation from others who can't possibly understand the depths of my grief.  My fear is that it will be a very long time before the grief lessens.
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Peggi
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« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2012, 02:24:26 PM »

Oh, my, I'm so sorry. To lose a second son a decade after you lost the first. I'm just so sorry. And everything I read confirms that a "new" loss causes the "old" loss to resurface with a vengeance. Yes, Beyond Endurance is a good book. I also recommend anything by Gordon Livingston, a psychiatrist who also lost two sons, 13 months apart. Another book I find helpful is Holding on to Love by Chuck Collins.
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Loraine
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« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2012, 05:01:21 PM »

I am so sorry for the loss of your sons and send you much love.

I am coming up the the 7 year mark since my son's passing andI have always found anniversaries difficult.

That being said, I am going to go on my local library site and perhaps try Amazon to see if I can get any of the books recommended by Peggi.  (Thank you Peggi).

Losing a child and if it is more than one child, incomprehensible - these losses are the most catastrophic event we can ever face but as we support each other along the way, through the highs and the lows, I believe that much spiritual compassionate help comes from others walking alongside us in the many stages of this grief.

Lots of love and caring to all,
Loraine
Campbell's Mum
Loraine
« Last Edit: August 02, 2012, 05:08:16 PM by Loraine » Logged
Michaels Dad
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« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2012, 05:43:18 PM »

Today is the day my son was killed ....2 years ago.  I feel sad, and my insides ache.  I miss him so much...thinking about him dayly.  He left 2 children who will never know him.  He was murdered, and the trail was a long and drawed out ordel.  Every day for 3-4 months we were at the court reliveing the event.....and in the end... his murderer got off.  the  murderer shot my son on his own birthday. The court system is a joke.....makes me want to take matters in my own hand.  I hope he relives his moment of shooting all the rest of his life.  So my pain has not gone away thats for sure!  I am so sorry for all the members here that have to be a part of this club.  I check here dayly but don't post that often.  Wishing you all healing prayers to soften your pain. 
Alan
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SusanR
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« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2012, 05:08:19 PM »

On the 8th of August my son has been gone for 8 months now. He was 28 years old. He was murdered by his wife of just 9 weeks. We have no proof of that but we know in our hearts she did it. I feel so helpless because 1 and a half months after she killed my son she was in another relationship and 5 months after his death she is married. She is 26 and on her third husband. She is happy and has moved on almost right after my son died but we I am  wondering how to live with this hole in my life. Mitchell has a nine year old son who will never know him. I am a different person now and will never be the same. I used to have a strong faith in God and believed if I was a good person, treat everyone like I wanted to be treated, God would never take what is most precious to me. I was kind and loving, tried to help animals and people when possible. Tried to be nice and even if I did not care for someone, I'd go out of my way to get along with them. I'd keep my mouth shut when people made me angry and just deal with it. But now, I am so very angry at God, and I feel no matter what kind of a person I am it does not matter. I have lost my faith in God and I have so much hate in my heart for my son's wife. I was never an angry person and did not hate anyone or anything but now besides grief and sadness I have hate in my heart. I cannot understand why God would take someone so wonderful, funny, loving and caring away from all those who need, love and want him, and leave horrible people wondering this earth with happiness in their lives. I am broken and will never be fixed. I don't know what to do with my life now, I have no will to do anything and I really don't care much for anybody or anything. Everyone tells me I am supposed to learn something from this and then I will start to heal. But I search and search and cannot make heads or tails of this life now. I feel like a zombie, not alive and not dead. All I do is cry and stare out the window. My husband and daughter have moved on. They don't seem to be affected at all by my son's death and everyone seems like they have forgotten about Mitch. I cannot understand how this happened. I miss him so much. I wish I could invent a time machine and go back to before this happened and never let it happen. I feel like I should have been the one to die, seeing has how now I am no use at all to myself or anyone else. All I can think is why, why, why. Everytime I see the woman my son was married to I would love to get a gun and blow her head off. But even with all the hate I have for her, I cannot do that as she has kids to care for. I used to think God would take revenge on those kind of people for what they have done but now I'm not so sure. All I want to do is move onto the next world and be with my son. I would not take my own life but I wish this pain, grief and torture would end. Today is not soon enough for me. I hope no one else feels like this, and others will heal but I don't know how to get out of this unending saddness.
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