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Author Topic: Two months since my daughter died  (Read 4689 times)
Fawns mom
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« on: August 19, 2012, 05:56:40 PM »

My daughter's name was Summer Fawn.  On June 18 I found her in her apartment, dead from a heroin overdose.  She was 31 and so beautiful.  She would have been 32 three days ago. 
I'm starting traumatic grief counseling to cope with the flashbacks.  I can't imagine ever feeling normal again.  This just changes everything.
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Rita
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« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2012, 08:24:24 PM »

I am so sorry for your loss Sad Please know that you are not alone there are a lot of members on here that will be here for you if and when you need them. You will be in my prayers may God bless you. If you ever want to talk just send me a message and I will send you my number.

Rita
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Always trusting in God to see me through
kathy320
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« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2012, 07:01:05 PM »

I so sorry.... I too am feeling your pain...my son Justin overdosed on heroin on July 14 th...
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GentlemanBob
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« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2012, 12:30:51 AM »

Hi Fawns Mom. I am so sorry for your loss. So many of our young people die daily from drug overdoses. There are no words that I can say that can alleviate your pain so I will not even try. 32 is so very young. Not as young as the children some of the members here have lost, nor as young as my Carrieann who was 19 months when she died because of me. Still, young. My mother was an alcoholic. She was 34 when she died. And although I was only 10 at the time, even to me then, it seemed young. I can only tell you not to beat yourself up. Children make choices some good some bad. Some fatal. All we can do is the best we can to raise them right and let them live thier own life. Sometimes despite the best parenting, they make wrong choices. You can't condemn or beat yourself up over what you might or might not have done differently. Ultimately they reach an age and make thier own choices. Carrieann IS dead because of me I backed over her, I killed her.  Nothing will ever change that. In your case you didn't put those drugs in her arm. So you are absolved of any and all responsability. She may have fallen in with a wrong crowd. And then one wrong decision led to another. Don't allow hate to build in your heart. Its poison will surely kill you. Be gentle with YOU.
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Fawns mom
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« Reply #4 on: August 21, 2012, 10:15:55 PM »

To Rita, Bob and Kathi-- thank you for your kind words.  We didn't know when our children were born that we would experience the devastation of losing them.  I can't imagine the horror and guilt of backing over my baby, as you feel, Bob, but I might know how you feel Kathi, watching helplessly while your child destroys themselves and then having it come to that irritrievable finality.  If we could erase how we feel now by going back and never having them?  No.
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Peggi
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« Reply #5 on: August 29, 2012, 02:50:10 PM »

There is a lovely and powerful book by a dad and mom who lost their son to heroin. It is Losing Jonathan
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Fawns mom
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« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2012, 02:56:33 PM »

Well, it has now been three months since the day I found my daughter.  When I leave work, I drive past her apartment, and look over to see her bedroom window where she lay, just inside on her bed.  Sometimes I feel I don't belong on this forum, because so many of you lost children that were healthy and sound, unaffected by drugs.  I don't know if I could face that sudden, devastating heartbreak.  My loss happened over a period of years.  I'm angry-- at the drug trade and the support it gets from our government.  I'm angry at doctors, who hand out opiates irresponsibly.  It's hard to fight when it's where we are as a country.
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ollee105
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« Reply #7 on: September 19, 2012, 08:09:19 PM »

please don't say you dont belong.  you lost your daughter.  you loved her just like all of us loved our child.  A lost life, especially a child is the same pain i'm sure whether that child was sick, healthy, or had an accident like mine.  i long to hear his voice.  to be able to hold him and kiss his head, and watch him play with his two small children. i still ache for a normal life with him in it.  you're heart feels like its gonna burst through your throat it hurts so bad.  so you belong here.  my son died right after his 24th birthday, one and a half year ago and it still seems unreal. 
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Fawns mom
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« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2012, 01:53:33 PM »

I miss my daughter's laugh.  I miss the way she would twirl her hair around her fingers.  I miss the way she would sing so terribly off-key to songs on her mp3 in the car, and look at me like, "what?" when I'd laugh... I wish I could have protected her.
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Fawns mom
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« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2012, 02:10:20 PM »

I do have deep faith, and I hold fast to this Scripture, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.  The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  I feel God's presence so close to me in this time. 
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Izzy
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« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2012, 06:51:58 PM »

Their are no words I can say to help ease the pain. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I lost my only son 18 months ago. He as 12 years old when he was killed and the pain is always there. I will always be lost wihout him. They say a parent should not outlive their children. God Bless you.
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Loraine
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« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2012, 07:33:48 PM »

I am very sorry for all of our losses.

I am not sure if my message is going to give any comfort but I can promise you that there eventually comes a softening in the grief and it is true that it sometimes comes back to wallop you when you least expect it but the first two years are extremely painful and the only thing that worked for me was reading books on grief, other grieving parents stories and deep breaths along with visiting this website. 

The tears have to be cried, they are releasing all the toxins caused by our broken hearts.

Wishing you all the best and know that eventually it will get easier.
« Last Edit: October 02, 2012, 08:13:04 PM by Loraine » Logged
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