Baby of Tanya Watson
2013

Thank you all for being here and showing us your love and support today and throughout these last several months. We are so grateful you have chosen to be here to pay tribute to our daughters beautiful, yet short, life. Your support and prayers have been evident in our lives. During times of trial one often feels like God is not near or answering and I have felt this way but knowing in my heart God is always close by. I kept a list of all the cards and gifts people have given to show tangible support and one day looking over the overwhelming generous list, said to myself, 'If I can't hear God right now, obviously He is still speaking to someone and others are still hearing Him and obeying His voice'. God has been faithful and good and shown that to us through all of you here today. Thank you.

Last October we came home from a rare date to a Petra concert and after Brent had gone to bed, I decided I needed to go to the drugstore. I took 'the test' and went to wake Brent and with the most excited silly grin on my face, I showed it to him. I got the biggest hug in response. We were going to have child #4. Exactly what we wanted. A family close in age to grow up and play together. The joy was indescribable. We knew we were in for a zoo at home in the first few years but were ready to welcome the challenge. Ganya's life had officially begun.

We continued to be excited in the following months and had started to prepare for where baby would sleep and that never ending conversation about what will we name this one. However, on Jan 2 our world came crashing to a halt. I had a significant complication that sent me to the ER. I spent New Year's Day waiting at the ER and was sent for an ultrasound the next day. I was taken in and two doctors scanned our baby for an hour and then grabbed a box of kleenex and took me a room across the hall. There it was explained that there were many abnormalities and one thing cascaded into another for problem after problem. She would not live after birth. They recommended I terminate. That was not an option. This was confirmed to me when I cried out to God in confusion about 'what to do' and I got a sense in my heart clear as day that said, 'I will take her when it's time, and it's not time yet.' I knew then it was my task to carry her and not scientifically knowing the gender knew in my heart we were having another girl. I was not surprised at all when that was confirmed by ultrasound.

I cried, oh how I cried. And the river of tears didn't stop for several months. We continued to prepare for our baby but in a whole different way. This was going to be the only life she had and we were going to prepare for what it was going to be. We prepared for there to be a photographer to capture her life. We met with a palliative care team and neonatology prior to her birth to make sure her life would be comfortable. We asked people in advance to help us celebrate her life here today. We named her and where most keep the name a secret until after birth, I said I needed to share it as this now was going to be her whole life.

Here's some background on how we came up with her name. One night after many tears, I came to Brent and sat on the floor in front of him and put my head in his lap and not yet knowing gender I cried, 'I need to name it Ganya'. With the many discussions of names, this one had come up because of what it meant, Garden of God, and I liked it especially as, on top of it's beautiful meaning, it was a take off of my name. Tanya with a G. With that I thought of our child in God's garden and the theme of her life became flowers from God's beautiful abundant garden. But now she needed a middle name. Rose? No, roses have thorns. Daisy? No, that sounded too much like Daisy Duke. Iris? No, that just didn't quite fit either. So I started to think of scripture that had flowers. The only one I could think of was in Matthew 6:28-30 which talked about how God cares for the lilies of the field that are here today and gone tomorrow. He would then look after our daughter and continue to look after us. That was it - Lily was her middle name.

The day had arrived. June 9, with lots of love and support around us and amazing doctors and nurses guiding us, Ganya Lily arrived in our arms at 5:05pm. She and God must have had a chat about arriving on the day of my mother and father's 40th wedding anniversary, to honor them with the gift of her presence.

She was alive. Praise be to God, she was breathing and did not need the medical intervention to help her breath or for pain. God had spared her that. At this time it felt to me that her life was nearing its end. We had known that when she was born most of her life had already been lived inside of me. Now it was time to celebrate her 1 and only birthday. So we celebrated. We took turns holding and kissing her. I was able to do a mother's loving 'duty' of bathing and diapering her. We swaddled her in the blanket made with love, prayers and tears by her grandmother. We held her hands and kissed her toes and bathed her with our tears of 'see you later'. All this time was captured in detail by an amazing volunteer photographer from 'Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep'. I will always be grateful that she was there to document Ganya's birthday.

Though God had only allowed her to be in our life for 1 hour, she was all along only 'borrowed' to us. I am very confused, however, at why God chose to only gift her to me for this short time if it means I will miss her immeasurably till we meet again in heaven. This has also brought me God's lesson that though I call my other children 'mine' that they too are only borrowed to me to raise for Him. And I need to continue growing to be His light in their lives.

Living on in her memory are us, her parents, Brent & Tanya Loewen-Watson, her siblings, Sarah, Ivan and Nadia, her paternal grandparents, Robert & Pauline Watson, her maternal grandparents, Maynard & Frieda Loewen, her uncles and aunts, Darin, Shauna, Brian, David and Melissa Watson and Terry, Sabrina, Tyler and Tracey Loewen, her cousins, Eden, Samara and Mitchell and one additional cousin arriving soon in each of our families.

It has been and will continue to be our prayer that God be brought glory by her life.