In Moments Like This

Author, Unknown

In moments like this,
I realize once more how much you meant to me.
Time has brought some healing,
and abated the pain that I felt when you died.
Now, with the passing of the months and the years,
I realize in new and unexpected ways
how deeply you are still a part of me.
All that we shared together—the laughter, the misunderstandings,
the reconciliations, the joy and the challenges and the pain.
All these and more have shaped me profoundly
in ways I can only dimply comprehend.
You live on in me.

Not all my memories are pleasant or easy to embrace.
There are also so many things, more than a few, that I regret:
words I spoke or failed to speak, actions taken or avoided,
silences endured, pain inflicted.
I ask myself why I could not have been more loving,
more understanding and patient.
And I ask for your forgiveness.

There is so much I still want to share with you.
And from time to time, I live through something that would have been
more beautiful or bearable—had you been with me.
Yes, as I grow older, I gain more understanding,
and I know now that my pain and loneliness is the inescapable consequence
for having love you.
May I find the strength to accept sorrow,
And bear it with grace.

"Majority" by Dana Gioia, from Pity the Beautiful. © Graywolf Press, 2012